The First Annual Big Fish Fry ™ is off to a stark raving lunatic start. Our account balance stands at $43,000 and we’re not going to stop until our descent into hell is complete. We have unequivocally proven that with a dream and an internet connection you can turn nothing into something. 

Question: besides parlay betting, what is the best way to make money fast?

Answer: bet more money.

Stay tuned …

There’s been quite a bit of commotion regarding our new Dump of the Day ™ category. Some of the commotion has been positive, some pretty negative.  Specifically, The Wife ™ has been particulary disgusted and somewhat withdrawn.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“What’s wrong? Max, it’s disgusting –”

“Baby, don’t be embarrassed, it’s beautiful. Everybody does it.”

“Yes, but everybody is not putting it on the internet.”

She has a point, but maybe that’s what makes it so beautiful.

IRISH THINKING

An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but  serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.
An  hour later, the  man has finished the three beers and orders three more.   This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks  three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about  the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender  broaches the subject on behalf of the town.  “I don’t mean to pry, but  folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?”

“Tis  odd, isn’t it?” the man replies. “You see, I have two brothers, and one went  to America,  and the other to Australia.   We  promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we  drank as a way of keeping up the family bond.”

The  bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and soon the Man  Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the  hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

Then,  one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them  with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening.   He  orders only two beers. The word  flies around town. Prayers are offered  for the soul of one of the brothers.
The  next day, the bartender says to the man, “Folks around here, me first of all,  want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You  know-the two beers and all.

The man ponders this for a moment, then  replies,”You’ ll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It’s  just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for  Lent

A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, ‘Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.’
‘I know,’ the old man said.  ’We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.’
‘Well,’ Granny snickered.  ’Let’s relive some old times.’
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
‘You know, honey,’ the little old lady breathlessly replied, ‘My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.’
‘I wouldn’t be surprised,’ replied Gramps.   ‘One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: ‘Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain..do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!’

His wife responds: ‘He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I Love you, too.’

The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows: 

After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.  

Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year relationship (which would NOT have happened!) it ended up costing him $26,849 per go.    

This is Heather

On the other hand, Elliot Spitzer’s call girl, Kristen, an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000 an hour.  

For anything!   

                             This is Kristen

Had Paul McCartney ‘rented’ Kristen for 5 years, he would’ve paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years  (a saving of $41.7 million) . Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe,  

                   no begging,  

                   no coaxing,  

                   never a headache,  

                   ability to put BOTH legs around you,

                   no bitching or complaining.  

                   Best of all, she leaves when you ask, and comes back when you ask.  

                            All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees. 

Sometimes renting makes far more sense.