Archive for the ‘Sports & Entertainment’ Category

NBA Locks

Thursday, February 7th, 2019

Degenerate NBA Betting Locks

So this is it?

All that remain are the grifters, swindlers, and degenerates.

The trade deadline has come and gone.

Anthony Davis is still, much to Magic’s dismay, a Pelican.

The NBA remains in disarray.

The East is up for grabs.

Golden State implodes while waiting for KD to calm the f#ck down.

Hindsight is 20-20, but it’s worth mentioning BEFORE tonight’s games: The 6 team parlay pays out 50 to 1.

Bet $500 win $25,000.

Tonight’s NBA Locks/6 Team Guaranteed Parlay:

Minnesota +3 @ Orlando                    L

LA Clippers +7 @ Indiana                     L

Toronto -8.5 @ Atlanta                       W

Boston -8.5 vs LA Lakers                    L

Portland -6 vs San Antonio                  W

Memphis +13.5 @ OKC                      L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

NBA Locks: Pride

Wednesday, February 6th, 2019

In a pride, the head lion doesn’t join in the hunt.

It’s beneath him.

He’s too important.

Once the killing is done, he feasts on his choice of the carcass.

The others don’t eat until he’s done.

Tonight’s TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™–

Dallas -5.5 vs Charlotte                          W

San Antonio +15 @ Golden State              L

Chicago -1.5 vs New Orleans                   L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

NBA Betting Can Make You Nuts

Tuesday, February 5th, 2019

Betting the NBA can make you nuttier than a walnut crumb cake.

Many better bettors than us have been brought to their knees by the allure of betting the NBA.

However, all you really have to know is:  no one beats the wise guys. No one.

Common sense and conservative thinking are the NBA handicapper’s poison pills.

It takes a fickle heart, fearless soul, and a rudderless moral compass.

You can handicap until you’re blue in the balls and it won’t help. You can look at team records, home & away, back to backs, east coast, west coast, and injury reports.

You can implement NBA betting formulas, rules, and axioms such as the MVN (Magic Value Number), 3 games in 4 nights, western conference to eastern conference time zones, team name dominance, zig-zagging, or opposites.

Still, you will find yourself with the incredible shrinking NBA betting bank roll.

The answer? Besides the all too obvious: don’t bet the NBA, is to think outside the box and try to stay at least a half step in front of the linesmakers.

Tonight we offer, once again, our TCh (in)famous NBA Locks ™:

Indiana +3 vs LA Lakers                      W

Cleveland +11.5 vs Boston                    W

Charlotte -3.5 vs LA Clippers                 L

Detroit -4  @ NY Knicks                     W

OKC -9.5 vs Orlando                       W

Philadelphia -3 vs Toronto                 L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Super Bowl Lock of The Century

Tuesday, January 29th, 2019

Longtime associate, one-time knee breaker, all-time ball breaker, Dick Wheeler, turned to religion in a last ditch effort to hedge his ultimate bet.

“L’Chaim,” he proffered in his most sincere Tony Curtis voice.

During his final days, Dick was a pee-stained shadow of his former self.

There was a time, a lifetime ago, he was a someone. A Las Vegas god working as assistant GM at the Tropicana directly under Lefty Rosenthal.

After making connections, he maneuvered into the loan and used car business. He didn’t sell many cars but had his own jet.

Dick Wheeler spent a lifetime getting the edge on people and pushing them around.

Over the years, we’ve learned not to argue with him. Lately, it’s best not to talk or even acknowledge him. Eventually he goes away agitated and confused.

“Your Kansas City pick was shit.”

For a moment his one eye without a cataract twinkled like a young Cassius Clay, dancing on his toes, unable to be painted into the corner. In full command of his faculties.

We asked him who he likes in the Super Bowl.

In that moment, Cassius Clay turns into an old, mustachioed Muhammad Ali taking an inhumane beating into retirement at the hands of former sparring partner, Larry Holmes.

Dick Wheeler’s eyes glazed over, as if wondering what’s for lunch.

“Follow the money,” he murmurs.

More right than wrong, let’s take a sneak peak at our Super Bowl LIII Lock of The Century.

The line opened with the Rams -1.5 favorites and the money cascaded on New England to the point where they’re now  -2.5 favorites. That’s a crazy 4 point swing. All the money has been being dumped on New England.

In Loving Memory of Dick Wheeler (3/14/1928 – 1/28/2019) RIP, we’re following the money and taking:

New England -2.5 vs LA Rams               W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

The Void

Monday, January 28th, 2019

Dealey Plaza, Dallas, TX. November 22, 1963.

Dallas Sheriff Roger Craig broke ranks at the sound of gunfire and ran to Dealey Plaza as the Leader of the Free World was assassinated.

Sheriff Craig reported to the Warren Commission: “I heard a shrill whistle coming from the north side of Elm Street. I turned and saw a white male in his twenties running down the grassy knoll from the direction of the Texas School Book Depository Building. A light green Rambler station wagon was coming slowly west on Elm Street. The driver of the station wagon was a husky looking Latin, with dark wavy hair, wearing a tan windbreaker type jacket. He was looking up at the man running toward him. He pulled over to the north curb and picked up the man coming down the hill. I tried to cross Elm Street to stop them and find out who they were. The traffic was too heavy and I was unable to reach them.

After the Oswald arrest, Sheriff Craig was brought to Captain Fritz’s office to identify Oswald.

Captain Fritz said: “What’s this about a station wagon?”

The suspect interrupted, “- That station wagon belongs to Mrs. Paine. Don’t try to tie her into this. She had nothing to do with it.” He continued, “I told you people I did” adding dejectedly, “everybody will know who I am now.”

Over 55 years later we still don’t know.

After multiple attempts on his life, Roger Craig was found dead in his father’s house on May 15, 1975. His death was an apparent suicide.

A life time ago …

Friday, January 25th, 2019

Image result for carlos bringuier

We imagined we’d be sitting on top of a multi-media empire. We’d be Kings of the Internet.

Instead we’ve become a novelty. A circus act.

A freak show.

But have we done all we could?

The answer is, as we look into the abyss: no.

We’re afraid to make the phone calls.

We don’t know all the questions.

We don’t know the angle.

Is there an angle? Probably not.

We’re not ready.

15 minutes on the internet and we have 4 names and numbers of people we’d like to talk to: Carlos Bringuier (84), Alvin Beauboeuf (79), Ruth Paine (86) and Bernardo De Torres (84).

Soon, of course, it will be too late. Their combined age is 333.

Each of them knows something. Carlos knew Lee in New Orleans. He knew he wasn’t really a Castro sympathizer. Al knew David Ferrie very well. Very well. He knows why they went on a goose hunting/ice skating trip to Texas the day of the assassination. Ruth Paine, too, knows Lee’s true background. She knows all about her babysitting assignment. De Torres knows quite a bit too. There are rumors that he was in Dealey Plaza that day posing as a photographer. The House Select Committee believed he had photographs of The Big Event.

Time catches up to all of us.

To quote President Kennedy:

And if we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. For, in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.

NFL Playoff Locks: Redemption

Friday, January 18th, 2019

Gone are the days of the big advertising contracts, dot com money, country clubs, expense accounts, courtesy cars, champagne, cocaine, personal assistants, interns, and high class escort services. Only empty bottles of Svedka Vodka remain from the skeletal corporate takeover celebration, a project forever on hold. Revenues are meager, endorsements gone, sponsors withdrawn, inspections rejected, bills unpaid. We spend our lonely nights in the lounge hoping someone will slip us a rufie.

This weekend’s NFL Playoff Locks are about redemption.

Bet early, bet often.

You can thank us on Monday.

KC -3 vs New England                         L

LA Rams +3.5  @ New Orleans               W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

NFL Playoff Locks of the Week

Friday, January 11th, 2019

We don’t get out much anymore.

Too much anxiety and stress on the lumbar, specifically #’s 3, 4 & 5.

The exception being when the dim-witted nephew visits Las Vegas and slips me a hit of ecstacy.

I say “slips,” ok, I buy it. A hit for me, him, his friends, and more for me.

The X seems to take the edge off the lower lumbar.

Quick season review reveals: 21 – 18 – 3 record.

Middling, at best. Chimpanzee-like, at worst.

Still, there’s time left in this NFL season to make winners out of all of us.

Looking back at this year’s published picks, we lost when we stopped thinking for ourselves.

We lost when we listened to others and stopped listening to ourselves.

Basically, we lost when we lost our backbone.

Well, This is Us, our NFL Playoff Locks of the Week:

Kansas City -5.5 vs Indianapolis                      W

LA Rams -7 vs Dallas                                     W

LA Chargers +4 @ New England                           L

New Orleans -8 vs Philadelphia                       L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Year in Review: Happy New Year!

Monday, December 31st, 2018

Happy New Year from your friends at The Chickenhawk!

2019. Unfathomable.

We made it.

We’ve been asked: Are you Trumpy?

We’ve been castigated: You’re anti-Trump!

Either way, we made it.

Or, least some of us made it.

2018’s year in review reveals more mass shootings, rioting, war, genocide, and refugee crisis’.

Mostly, TheChickenhawk.com tries to entertain while devolving into drivel however, unlike David’s Bridal, Sears, or Mattress Firm we remain in business.

For that, we are thankful.

Here’s wishing you, our faithful reader(s), a Happy New Year!

WEEK 17 NFL Locks

Friday, December 28th, 2018

Chickenhawk's NFL Locks

As long time Chicken lovers know, Week 17 is the most fortuitous time to bet heavy paper.

Spreads are big, moving fast and whispers of “the fix is in” may be more than just rumors.

Case in point, Houston opened at -10 vs Jacksonville and moved to -6.5.

What does that tell us?

Heavy paper has been dropping on Jacksonville.

Similarly, Minnesota’s spread vs Chicago has dropped from -7 to -4.5 and Pittsburgh’s -17 vs Cincinnati has gone from -17 to -14.5.

Likewise, the gambling public has been favoring the visiting dogs forcing the linesmakers to drop their numbers.

Famous for zigging where others zag, our NFL Locks of the Week are the home favorites and their marginalized point spreads:

Houston -6.5 vs Jacksonville                           W

Minnesota -4.5 vs Chicago                            L

Pittsburgh -14.5 vs Cincinnati                          L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.