Archive for the ‘NBA Locks’ Category

Instincts

Friday, March 21st, 2014

We recently received a call from a jabroni wearing a tie suggesting a lawsuit about some sort of trademark infringement for our (in)Famous NBA Locks ™ columns.

He said (and we para-phrase): “Attorney Bing Herbcock (not his real name) here, I represent Mega-Corp (not real name but some company we’ve never heard of). My client has influence connected to gambling interests in both Las Vegas and abroad, specifically in the Cayman Islands. Mega-Corp (not real name) is considering a complaint against your shitty, little website for your “NFL Locks” trademark. This complaint arising under the trademark act of 1946 pursuant to trademark infringement, dilution, false designation of origin, unfair competition, and deceptive trade practices … blah, blah, blah,” so boring.

What Attorney Blabcock doesn’t know is: we have attorneys too.

We don’t know he was wearing a tie but on this we’re trusting our instincts …

TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™-

Chicago +6 @ Indiana                             L

Philadelphia +12 vs NY                            W

OKC -3 @ Toronto                               L

New Orleans +7 @ Atlanta                      W

Brooklyn -8.5 vs Boston                       W

Miami -4.5 vs Memphis                      W

Denver +8.5 @ Dallas                             L

Detroit +8.5 @ Phoenix                            W

Sacramento +8 vs San Antonio                     L

Washington -4.5 @ LA Lakers                      W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

El Perezoso

Thursday, March 20th, 2014

Tijuana, Mexico – 1992

After his inglorious expulsion from Las Vegas, Max disappeared south of the border.

The US dollar was strong and, for a while, he lived like a king. He immersed himself in the culture.

He drank, drugged, smoked, whored & gambled on cock fights.

He became one with the Mexican people & they became one with him.

He learned the language.

After the money was gone, during the day, he picked fruit with the small children and old women.

They called him El Perezoso which means: “The Fast Picker.”

At night he would pick the fruits of Tijuana’s daughters.

Later, the fathers, pimps or young Mexican suitors would pick fights with him.

TCh (in)Famours NBA Locks ™-

OKC -9.5 @ Cleveland                                L

Minnesota +7.5 @ Houston                         L

Portland -4.5 vs Washington                        W

Golden State -13 vs Milwaukee                      W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

The Juice

Wednesday, March 19th, 2014

OJ Simpson

Perhaps best known for the zany, injury prone Nordberg character from The Naked Gun movies.

After playing professional football, OJ retired to the quiet, Hollywood life of cocaine and sex parties.

Many wonder if this is when he fathered Khloe Kardashian.

Few remember the outlandish double-murder charge back in 1994.

Quickly acquitted (the glove didn’t fitted), OJ thought about joining the senior PGA tour while moonlighting on the trail of his deceased wife’s true assassin(s).

However, too much time had passed, too much evidence tampered with, and too many witnesses intimidated. The case was cold.

OJ picked up the pieces of his life and, with the new technologies and groupie orgies, started hitting the golf ball further than ever.

He paid the membership and cocaine bills with under the table autograph signings.

Set up like a bowling pin, in 2007 The Juice was charged, in Las Vegas, with kidnapping and armed robbery in connection with stolen memorabilia.

On December 5, 2008, Simpson was sentenced to a total of thirty-three years in prison with the possibility of parole in 2017, and is presently at the Lovelock Correctional Center in Lovelock, Nevada.

You can write The Juice @:

OJ Simpson Inmate #1027820

Nevada Department of Corrections

Lovelock Correctional Center

1200 Prison Rd.
Lovelock, Nevada 89419

PHONE: (775) 688-1777

Tonight’s TCh NBA Locks ™-

Chicago -13 @ Philadelphia                  L

Miami -6.5 @ Boston                          L

Charlotte +6 @ Brooklyn                      W

Memphis -11.5 vs Utah                       L

Toronto PK @ New Orleans                    W

Indiana -1.5 @ NY Knicks                   L

Minnesota +5 @ Dallas                           W

Denver -6 vs Detroit                           W

Orlando +11.5 @ Phoenix                        L

LA Lakers +13.5 vs San Antonio                    L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

NBA Locks

Tuesday, March 18th, 2014

TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™-

Cleveland +9.5 vs Miami                      W

Atlanta +3 vs Toronto                         W

Milwaukee +12.5 @ Portland              W

Washington -2 @ Sacramento                L

Golden State -12.5 vs Orlando                W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

The Gambler

Monday, March 17th, 2014

TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™-

So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow.

Atlanta +3 @ Charlotte                        W

Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light.

Indiana -19 vs Philadelphia                     L

And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.

Brooklyn -3.5 vs Phoenix                    W

Said, if you’re gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right.

Chicago +2.5 vs OKC                           L

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,

Houston -13.5 vs Utah                               W

Know when to walk away and know when to run.

Boston +11.5 @ Dallas                            L

You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table.

LA Clippers -4.5 @ Denver                         L

There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealins done.

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Pain Killers

Sunday, March 16th, 2014

In 1975, Elvis privately feared the world had passed him by. The Beatles were all the rage and the drug-taking, war-hating hippies considered Elvis the music of their parents. In their eyes he was, in his eyes the worst thing in the world, a square.

A square? The King of Rock & Roll?

Constipation and pain killers were taking their toll.

That’s where karate came in.

Elvis was a student of the art of self-defense for almost twenty years.

Near the end he found it great exercise and it helped relieve the chronic constipation, a result of all the pain killer pill popping.

In addition, The King wanted to be able to defend himself in the event of a hippy-attack.

TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™

#Charlotte -6 @ Milwaukee                    W

#Phoenix +4.5 @ Toronto                      W

Miami -5.5 vs Houston                            W

New Orleans -5.5 vs Boston                       L

#Minnesota -7.5 vs Sacramento                  L

OKC -8 vs Dallas                                        L

Utah +15 @ San Antonio                           L

Portland +2 vs Golden State

LA Clippers -11 vs Cleveland

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

#3 Team Parlay Alert: $1,000 wins $6,000

Pride

Friday, March 14th, 2014

In a pride, the head lion doesn’t join in the hunt.

It’s beneath him.

He’s too important.

Once the killing is done, he feasts on his choice of the carcass.

The others don’t eat until he’s done.

Tonight’s TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™

*Charlotte +2 vs Minnesota                                W

*Washington -5 @ Orlando                                L

Philadelphia +16.5 vs Indiana                             W

*Memphis PK @ Toronto                                  L

*Phoenix -5 @ Boston                                       W

Denver +10.5 @ Miami                                         W

Portland -1.5 @ New Orleans                                   W

San Antonio -17.5 vs LA Lakers                                W

Utah +9 vs LA Clippers                                       P

Golden State -9.5 vs Cleveland                            W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

*Guaranteed $1,000 4 Team Parlay. $1,000 wins $10,000 … Guaranteed! (please see small print)




Dead or Alive ..

Thursday, March 13th, 2014

Fuckin’ blood suckers are all around us.

Creeping through our TV sets and into our computers.

They hide under our beds and get into our pipes.

They haunt us when we’re sleeping and leave us breathless when we awake.

No matter where you are, there they are. It’s survival of the fittest. Eat or be eaten.

Wanted: dead or alive.

TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™

Houston -3 @ Chicago                                L

Atlanta -8.5 vs Milwaukee                            L

LA Lakers + 16.5 @ OKC                            L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Systems

Wednesday, March 12th, 2014

Let’s face it, we’re all looking for a system.

Systems to: lose weight, quit smoking, how to pick up girls and … how to make money.

By having a system, this crazy world, for a brief shining moment, makes sense.

Things work in harmony.

Without systems, there is only chaos.

Nothing makes sense.

Sports betting isn’t for everyone.

Considering the 10% vigorish, sports betting isn’t for  anyone.

It’s for the house.

It’s never been for the bettor.

The deck is stacked. The bettor can’t win.

NBA betting systems are popular and part of the reason people pay “professional” handicappers handsome money for their picks.

Unsuccessful degenerate bettors become professional handicappers.

Otherwise they’d still be degenerate bettors … not handicappers.

Some, like Max Steingrout, moonlight as handicappers, but do not collect fees for our locks.

One popular, tried and true, sports betting system is the Time Zone ™ system, popularized recently, right here on our #1 online sports & entertainment degenerate destination resort.

The problem with the Time Zone ™ system, and any other system, is: the wise guys know about it.

For example, of tonight’s contestants, 7 teams are playing back to back:

Detroit, Sacramento, Boston, Dallas, Memphis, Golden State, Portland

Rather than zigging, we’re zagging and implementing the *Reverse Time Zone ™ NBA betting system.

Sort of like the reverse cowboy but very different.

Unfortunately … the wise guys know about the *Reverse Time Zone (tm) too.

TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™

Brooklyn +9 @ Miami                                          W

Denver -2 @ Orlando                                        W

*Sacramento -9.5 @ Philadelphia                        W

*Detroit +9.5 @ Toronto                                      L

Charlotte +5.5 @ Washington                              W

*Boston +4 vs NY                                                   L

*Memphis -3.5 @ New Orleans                           L

*Dallas -4.5 @ Utah                                         W

*Portland +7.5 @ San Antonio                              L

Phoenix -8 vs Cleveland                                    L

*Golden State +6.5 @ LA Clippers                       L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

*Reverse Time Zone ™ NBA betting system

Jarros

Tuesday, March 11th, 2014

Max Steingrout first laid eyes on Jarros, our Filipino facebook friend, in the fall of ’85 on the Vegas Strip.

Max passed out prostitute brochures, Jarros passed himself out as a meth addicted gigolo.

Both sensed opportunity.

Jarros, a Quezon street urchin at the age of six, was mail-ordered as a bride, tranquilized, shipped to Las Vegas, and left at the altar in only his soiled gown.

Max, in the midst of a losing streak, needed a fix and knew a client who would appreciate Jarros’ limited talents.

Glitter Gulch has a way of tenderizing even the toughest of meat.

Max treated Jarros like a son.

Jarros returned the favor by turning on Max like a deranged pit bull telling the Clark County District Attorney’s office a sordid, imaginative tale of drug addiction, coerced-prostitution, and daring escape.

Although questioned, Max was never charged with any crimes.

Imagine our surprise when, all these years later, we found Jarros on facebook and he accepted our friend request!

Jarros, not so recently suggested that our humble, one & only, online degenerate destination resort was not about our picks.

“It’s about the story,” he insisted, “… that’s all it’s about.”

Site analytics, however, suggest otherwise.

Of the thousands of visitors we get per day, 72% find our landing page via organic google search for the key words: “NBA Locks.”

Once again, just like way back in the ’80s, Jarros is wrong again.

TCh (In)Famous NBA Locks ™

Boston +11.5 @ Indiana                       W

Detroit -2.5 vs Sacramento                     W

Chicago +5 vs San Antonio                    L

Portland +3 @ Memphis                    L

Milwaukee +14.5 @ Minnesota            W

Houston +4.5 @ OKC                        L

Dallas +5.5 @ Golden State                    L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.