Archive for the ‘Jake Fizzario’ Category

Psychedelic Circus

Wednesday, March 5th, 2014

July, 1986-

In Las Vegas, there is no shade for the weary, weak or broken.

Ghosts haunt The Strip like an old man’s impotent, angry fist floundering, flailing fruitlessly in the air.

Farm fresh off Grateful Dead tour, The Fizz beamed.

The psychedelic circus had derailed when Jerry collapsed into a diabetic coma. Refugees like Jake “The Fizz” Fizzario were left to fend for themselves.

Surprisingly nimble for his size, barefoot Fizz grilled cheese sandwiches on the sizzling Strip.

2 for $5.

The grilling was good, sales were not.

Max invited him to put on some shoes and come into the casino …

TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™

Charlotte +5 vs Indiana                      W

Orlando +6.5 vs Houston                     L

Utah +8 @ Washington                       L

Golden State -5 @ Boston                  W

Brooklyn +2 vs Memphis                  W

Chicago -4 @ Detroit                       W

Milwaukee +3 vs Sacramento            L

NY +8.5 @ Minnesota                        W

Dallas -4.5 @ Denver                          L

Portland -9 vs Atlanta                          W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

The Fizz

Saturday, February 22nd, 2014

5 team parlay: $200 wins $5,000

Winning money is this easy.

The thing with the parlay is you either win or lose. The 1988 Caesars Palace Parlay King, Jake “The Fizz” Fizzario (RIP) used to say it was a 50 – 50. Just like any other bet, you win or you lose.

He hit so many parlays that, in 1990, Clark County casinos stopped accepting anything more than 3 team parlays from Fizzario or any known associates.

He didn’t know a thing about basketball. He couldn’t name a single player on a single team. He did know how to bet.

In Loving Memory of Jake “The Parlay King” Fizzario (RIP).

TCh (In)Famous Free 5 Team NBA Parlay ™

Indiana -12 @ Milwaukee                               L

Boston +8 @ Sacramento                               W

Charlotte +2.5 vs Memphis                          W

Washington -6.5 vs New Orleans                  L

Dallas -3.5 @ Detroit                                      W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

5 team parlay: $200 wins $5,000

The System

Monday, July 1st, 2013

1989, Las Vegas, NV

Jake Fizzario & Max Steingrout had The System well in place and they were cleaning up.

High on acid, The Fizz  would handicap games based on some sort of psychedlic, spiritual guidance. Max, geeked on amphetamines, would handicap based on his obsession with all things basketball.

They would then compare picks and bet the common games.

It was crazy. It was nuts. It worked.

In less than six weeks they turned their last $5 into $1.5 million.

The Fizz knew nothing about basketball, Max knew nothing about God.

The Destroyer

Monday, July 2nd, 2012

LAS VEGAS, NVJuly 1991

It was hot as hell and getting hotter. The Fizz substituted crack for psychedelics and The System started to fail. Max countered with a pesky heroin habit and, in an act of desperation, held The Fizz down and stuffed a sheet of acid into his fat mouth.

For twenty days and twenty nights, The Fizz was a walking, talking cosmic cataclysm. “I am The Destroyer. The Alpha and The Omega. The Harbinger of Death. The Days of Doom are upon us.”

Maybe they were, but at least The System started to work again.

The Destroyer

Friday, March 6th, 2009

LAS VEGAS, NVJuly 1991

It was hot as hell and getting hotter. The Fizz substituted crack for psychedelics and “The System” started to fail. Max countered with a pesky heroin habit and, in an act of desperation, held The Fizz down stuffing a sheet of acid into his fat mouth. For twenty days and twenty nights, The Fizz was a walking, talking cosmic cataclysm. “I am The Destroyer. The Alpha and The Omega. The Harbinger of Death. The Days of Doom are upon us.”

Maybe they were, but at least “The System” started to work again.

orlando -9 vs njn                        L

charlotte -2 vs. atlanta              W

miami -1 @ toronto                   W

golden state +9 @ detroit           L

cleveland +1.5 @ boston           L

houston -6 vs. phoenix                L

san antonio -13.5 vs. washington    W

chicago -6 vs. milwaukee            L

denver +9 @ utah                        W

minnesota +15.5 @ la lakers       L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Picks ™  are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

1989 – The System

Saturday, February 28th, 2009

By 1989, Jake Fizzario & Max Steingrout had The System well in place and they were cleaning up. High on acid, The Fizz  would handicap the games based on some sort of psychedlic spiritual guidance. Max, geeked on crack, would handicap based on his obsession with all things NBA. They would then compare picks and bet the common games. It was crazy. It was mad. It worked. In less than six weeks they turned Max’s last $15 into $1.5 million and had become Las Vegas Legends. The Fizz knew nothing about basketball, Max knew nothing about God.

orlando -1.5 @ philadelphia W

miami -6 vs.  ny                    L

memphis -7.5 vs. okc          L

houston +1 @ chicago           L

milwaukee -6.5 vs. washington  W

utah -17 vs. sacramento                     L

charlotte -1 @ la clippers                  W

PR ™: $5,000 (US) seven team parlay pays $447,555.01 (US)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Picks ™ & Parlay Reminder (PR) ™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.