Archive for the ‘NFL Locks’ Category

Approval for action against Cuba

Thursday, September 25th, 2014

On May 20, 1963 the Special Assistant for National Security, McGeorge Bundy, sent a top-secret “eyes only” memo to Special Group 5412 entitled: “Approval for actions against Cuba.”

Subject – Cuban attacks on reconnaissance flights – A contingency plan addendum

We have considered the plan of a fabricated incident and conclude that it would be feasible or desirable to contrive a mock Cuban attack on a US aircraft. This plan applies to a genuine attack on a US aircraft over or near Cuba.

1.) The Problem:

To capitalize on an attack on a US aircraft engaged in reconnaissance of Cuba by taking reprisals designed to place pressure on, or to effect the removal of, the Castro regime.

Week 4 NFL Locks ™

Washington -3 vs NY Giants                  L

Oakland +3.5 vs Miami                       L

Chicago +2 vs Green Bay                       L

Houston -3 vs Buffalo                        W

Indianapolis -7.5 vs Tennessee               W

Carolina +3.5 @ Baltimore                     L

Detroit -1.5 @ NY Jets                          W

Tampa Bay +7.5 @ Pittsburgh                W

San Diego -13 vs Jacksonville                  W

Philadelphia +5 @ San Francisco                 P

Atlanta -3 @ Minnesota                             L

New Orleans -3 @ Dallas                         L

Kansas City +3 vs New England                  W

TCh NFL Locks ™ vs Spread (29 – 19) (.604%)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

2 for $5

Thursday, September 18th, 2014

The Fizz

July, 1986 – LAS VEGAS, NV

In Las Vegas, there is no shade for the weary, weak or broken.

Ghosts haunt The Strip like an old man’s impotent, angry fist flailing fruitlessly in the air.

Farm fresh off Grateful Dead tour, The Fizz beamed.

The psychedelic circus derailed when Jerry collapsed into a diabetic coma. Refugees like Jake “The Fizz” Fizzario were left to fend for themselves.

Surprisingly nimble for his size, barefoot Fizz grilled cheese sandwiches & sold doses on the sizzling Strip.

2 for $5.

The grilling was good, sales were not.

Max invited him to put on some shoes and come into the casino …

Week 3 NFL Locks ™

Atlanta -6.5 vs Tampa Bay             W

San Diego +2.5 @ Buffalo                 W

Dallas -1 @ St. Louis                      W

Philadelphia -6 vs Washington              L

Houston -2 @ NY Giants                   L

New Orleans -9.5 vs Minnesota            W

Cincinnati -7 vs Tennessee                 W

Cleveland +1.5 vs Baltimore                   L

Green Bay +2.5 @ Detroit                     L

Indianapolis -7 @ Jacksonville                   W

Oakland +14 @ New England             L

Arizona +3 vs San Francisco                 W

Seattle -4.5 vs Denver                     W

KC +3.5 @ Miami                           W

Carolina -3 vs Pittsburgh                   L

Chicago +3 @ NY Jets                    W

TCh NFL Locks ™ vs Spread (19 – 13) (.594%)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

 

South of the Border

Thursday, September 11th, 2014

arigoto

Vegas neon seared his dilated retinas.

The heat was hot on his trail.

He had been awake for 2 days fueled by acid, amphetamine, coffee, cigarettes, and an overactive imagination. It was time to head south.

South of the border.

Associate, Dick Wheeler, warned him that the gravy days were over. If he didn’t leave on his own accord he would be leaving in a Clark County coroner’s body bag.

They had ways of making accidents happen to people.

He had seen it first hand.

There was “Birdie” Wallace, The Ant” Spilotro, and even “Lefty” Rosenthal wasn’t immune to being hit. His El Dorado exploded as he turned the ignition.

Lefty was lucky to be alive.

So was Max.

No one had to tell him twice.

Indictments were being handed down and entries made into the Vegas Black Book.

Attorney, and future Las Vegas mayor, Oscar Goodman said: “The only way to beat the Black Book is to drop dead before the hearing.”

Max, armed only with an ounce of Peruvian flake, liquid LSD, half pack of Luckies, and a quart of Wild Turkey, pointed his Ford Pinto southbound.

Next stop: Tijuana.

Week 2 NFL Locks ™

Baltimore -2.5 vs Pittsburgh            W

Miami +1 @ Buffalo                           L

Washington -6 vs Jacksonville        W

Dallas +3.5 @ Tennessee               W

NY Giants +3 vs Arizona                L

Minnesota +6 vs New England         L

Cleveland +7 vs New Orleans           W

Cincinnati -5 vs Atlanta                  W

Detroit +3 @ Carolina                      L

St. Louis +6 @ Tampa Bay             W

San Diego +6 vs Seattle                   W

Houston -3 @ Oakland                    W

Green Bay -7.5 vs NY Jets                L

Denver -11.5 vs KC                       L

Chicago +7.5 @ San Francisco       W

Indianapolis -3 vs Philadelphia         L

TCh NFL Locks ™ vs Spread (10 – 6) (.625%)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Rufie

Friday, September 5th, 2014

rufie

NFL Locks Week 1

For us, gone are the days of the big advertising contracts, dot com money, country clubs, expense accounts, courtesy cars, champagne, cocaine, personal assistants, interns, and high class escort services. Skeletal corporate takeover remains, a project forever on hold, revenues meager, endorsements gone, sponsors withdrawn, inspections rejected, bills unpaid, Svedka, Drano and lonely nights in the lounge hoping someone will slip us a rufie.

Where are our famous 2014 NFL Power Rankings?

Gone.

What about Lefty Rosenthal’s Plus/Minus (+/- ) Betting System?

Nope.

Will we publish our Week 1 NFL Locks for free? 

Maybe.

Week 1 NFL Locks(tm)

Seattle -6 vs Green Bay                     W

New Orleans -3 @ Atlanta Falcons         L

Minnesota +3.5 @ St. Louis                 W

Pittsburgh -7 vs Cleveland                    L

Philadelphia -10.5 vs Jacksonville           W

Oakland +5.5 @ NY Jets                       W

Baltimore -1 vs Cincinnati                      L

Chicago -7 vs Buffalo                          L

Houston -3 vs Washington                  W

KC -3 vs Tennessee                           L

New England -4.5 @ Miami                  L

Carolina +3 @ Tampa Bay                     W

San Francisco -4 @ Dallas                    W

Indianapolis +7.5 @ Denver                     W

Detroit -6 vs NY Giants                         W

San Diego +3 @ Arizona                         W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

 

Degenerate

Sunday, February 2nd, 2014

Writers often write about their writing muse.

That’s how we know we’re not writers.

There is no muse.

Instead, we’re degenerates.

Let’s look at the definitions:

de·gen·er·ate

diˈjenəˌrāt/

-adjective

having lost the physical, mental, or moral qualities considered normal and desirable; showing evidence of decline.

“a degenerate sports better would bet on the Super Bowl’s coin toss”

-noun

an immoral or corrupt person.

“the degenerate bet on the Super Bowl coin toss”

-verb

decline or deteriorate physically, mentally, or morally.

“the sports bettor degenerated to the point of betting on the Super Bowl coin flip”

It’s mere hours before Super Bowl XLVIII.

At this point, our serious betting is wrapped up like a Christmas present.

We’ve bet heavy paper, parlayed, and teased the pants off Seattle (+3), the money line (+120), and the under (47).

At this point in the day there’s nothing left to do except wrestle with the monkey on our back, wait for the game to start and publish some of our proposition Super Bowl Locks ™:

coin toss:

tails (-105) $100 wins $95                                               W

will any members of the Red Hot Chili Peppers be shirtless while performing?

yes (-200) $100 wins $50                                                W

how many times will Peyton Manning say “Omaha” during the game?

under 27 1/2 (even) $100 wins $100                             W

how many times will Archie Manning be shown during the game?

over 1 1/2 (-200) $100 wins $50                                      L

how many times will Eli Manning be shown during the game?

over 1 1/2 (-250) $100 wins $40                                     L

Super Bowl MVP

Russell Wilson (15/4) $100 wins $375                            L

Percy Harvin (10/1) $100 wins $1,000                               L

Marshawn Lynch (4/1) $100 wins $400                             L

player to score the 1st touchdown

Marshawn Lynch (5/1) $100 wins $500                             W

Percy Harvin (12/1) $100 wins $1,200                                L

Have fun and good luck, America!

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s Super Bowl Prop Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Super Bowl

Tuesday, January 28th, 2014

Super Bowl Sunday is the holiest of all the holy days … and our favorite.

It’s bigger than Christmas, bigger than Easter, bigger than Thanksgiving, and maybe even bigger than your birthday.

All of America tunes in.

Babies cry, women tremble, old people hide inside, children stare in wonder.

Grown men paint their faces, holler, scream and mumble.

Fuel our Bud Light buzzes.

Even if your team didn’t make it to The Big Game, you can still have a rooting interest in the form of an online, local bookie, or pick a square, wager. Let me assure you: having skin in the game makes it a lot more fun.

Don’t worry about the legalities. Legalities are for pussies.

The game opened as a pick ’em and quickly moved to Denver -3. The line is apparently settling in the Denver -2.5 camp (although online shoppers can find -3 … http://www.bovada.lv/). Likewise, early Seattle bettors took advantage of the Seattle +120 money line which has now settled into the +110 area. If you like Denver, the money line is going to cost you between -130 and -116.

Give us this day, our annual Super Bowl.

Tales of the Tape ™:

Defense –

Denver vs. Seattle

Winner: Seattle

Offense –

Denver vs. Seattle

Winner: Denver

Quarterbacks –

Manning vs. Wilson

Winner: Denver

Running backs-

Knowshon vs. Marshawn

Winner: Seattle

Coaches –

Fox vs. Carroll

Winner:  Seattle

Musicians –

Washington: Jimmy Hendrix, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Sound Garden, Heart, Death Cab for Cutie, Macklemore

Colorado: Earth, Wind & Fire, John Denver, Left Over Salmon, Big Head Todd

Winner: Seattle

Known for –

Washington: Starbucks, Space Needle, micro-brews, Boeing & Microsoft, grunge, Seahawks, Mariners, the loss of the SuperSonics

Colorado: Ski-resorts, Air Force Academy, Coors, bicycling, NORAD, Pro Rodeo Hall of Fame, Broncos, Rockies, Avalanche, Nuggets

Winner: Denver

Nicknames –

Seattle: The Queen City, Emerald City, Gateway to Alaska, Rain City, Jet City, The 206, The City of Flowers, The Goodwill City

Denver: Queen City of the Plains, Queen City of the West, Mile High City, Broncoville, LA of the Mountain West, Wall Street of the West

Winner: Seattle

Population-

Seattle: 634,535

Denver: 634,265

Winner:  Seattle

Weed laws –

Washington State’s Initiative 502 (I-502), which decriminalizes recreational marijuana, was voted into law in November 2012. The new law allows the creation of a licensed and regulated system of marijuana production and distribution, similar to the state’s liquor controls.  Implementation of this system is scheduled to begin December 1, 2013, when businesses can begin applying for licenses. Marijuana retail stores should begin opening to the public in the spring of 2014. At this time – even though there is not yet any legal way to buy pot – the possession and use of a limited amount of recreational marijuana is no longer against Washington State law.

Colorado:

Since the enactment of Colorado Amendment 64, adults aged 21 or older can grow up to six cannabis plants (with no more than half being mature flowering plants), privately in a locked space, legally possess all cannabis from the plants they grow (as long as it stays where it was grown), legally possess up to one ounce of cannabis while traveling, and give as a gift up to one ounce to other citizens 21 years of age or older. Consumption is permitted in a manner similar to alcohol, with equivalent offenses proscribed for driving. Public consumption remains illegal. Amendment 64 also provides for licensing of cultivation facilities, product manufacturing facilities, testing facilities, and retail stores.

Winner: Denver

If we tally our Tales of the Tape ™, Seattle wins 6 – 4.

Of course, much of this has nothing to do with football and is overtly subjective. Still, we stay the course.

We believe defense wins championships and we think Peyton Manning and his Gomer Pyle, “aw-shucks” demeanor is a fraud and a phony.

For these reasons, our

TCh World Famous Super Bowl Lock:

Seattle +3 vs Denver                               W

TCh NFL Locks ™ vs Spread (126 – 131 – 8 ) (.490%)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Curtis LeMay

Thursday, January 16th, 2014

TOKYO – March 9, 1945

General Curtis LeMay was the architect of “Operation Meetinghouse,” the systematic firebombing of Tokyo.

334 Superfortress B-29 bombers dropped 2,000 tons of incendiary bombs.

Temperatures reached 1800 degrees. Rivers and canals boiled.

The stench of burned human flesh permeated the last of the aircraft over the target.

An estimated 100,000 civilians were killed, more than killed by the nuclear bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Over one million people were left homeless.

The New York Times reported: The heart of Tokyo is gone.

LeMay reflected if the US had lost the war, he would have been prosecuted for war crimes.

NFL Championship Locks:

Denver -5 vs New England                 W

Seattle -3 vs San Francisco                 W

TCh NFL Locks ™ vs Spread (124 – 131 – 8 ) (.486%)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Sam Cooke

Friday, January 10th, 2014

Bring It On Home To Me

Sam Cooke sang Bring It On Home To Me.

In 1964, at the age of 33 and the height of his fame and powers, he was shot and killed by the manager of a Los Angeles No Tell Motel while wearing only his shoes and sports jacket.

There comes a time in every bettor’s life when they either quit or accept the fact: they have a problem.

Long ago, we accepted the latter.

Momma raised many things, but she didn’t raise a quitter.

Our world famous NFL Locks ™ column sits 6 games under .500 for the season. Our modest goals have changed from a $100,000 Guanacaste, Costa Rica relocation to regaining our self-respect and getting above .500.

If our math is correct, there are 7 games left in this season and, in order to meet our goal, we need a clean sweep.

Playoff analysis: Denver, San Francisco, and Seattle are beasts. New England, Carolina, and New Orleans are suspect. San Diego and Indianapolis are over-rated.

We are left to decide which games are going to be close and which are going to be blowouts.

Bring It On Home To Me.

NFL Playoff Locks

Seattle -8 vs New Orleans                                 P

Indianapolis +7 @ New England                       L

San Francisco -1 vs Carolina                           W

Denver -9 vs San Diego                                     L

TCh NFL Locks ™ vs Spread (123 – 129 – 7) (.488%)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Methadone

Friday, January 3rd, 2014

Upon his inglorious return to Las Vegas, Max the Junkie stared into the lumpy bowl of oatmeal and searched for meaning.

Unable to eat, methadone dulled his brain senseless.

Developed by the Third Reich, because war-torn Germany required a reliable internal source of opiates, Max found getting off methadone twice as hard as coming off heroin.

The monkey on his back mocked him as he climbed the walls and suffered vomiting, sweating, diarrhea, nausea, panic attacks, itching, stomach pains, constipation, headaches, skin rashes, urination problems, hallucinations and insomnia.

Helpless, hopeless and without any joy, his trademark exuberance was gone.

Vegas didn’t seem the same and Max didn’t feel the same.

The neon glow dulled. The cacophony of slot machines, black jack, craps, roulette wheels, pit bosses, dealers, winners, losers, waitresses, valets and call girls incongruously blended into a hum of white noise leaving Max feeling alone and left out.

He was depressed.

For money he resorted to pay phone coin returns. Meager earnings disappeared into penny and nickel one armed bandits.

Win or lose, it didn’t matter.

NFL Playoff Locks

Kansas City +1.5 @ Indianapolis                    W

Philadelphia -2.5 vs New Orleans                   L

Cincinnati -6.5 vs San Diego                           L

San Francisco -2.5 @ Green Bay                    W

TCh NFL Locks ™ vs Spread (121 – 127 – 7) (.488%)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

NFL Locks

Friday, December 27th, 2013

Cheshire Cat: If I were looking for a white rabbit, I’d ask the Mad Hatter.

Alice: The Mad Hatter? Oh, no no no…

Cheshire Cat: Or, you could ask the March Hare, in that direction.

Alice: Oh, thank you. I think I’ll see him…

Cheshire Cat: Of course, he’s mad, too.

Alice: But I don’t want to go among mad people.

Cheshire Cat: Oh, you can’t help that. Most everyone’s mad here.

[laughs maniacally; starts to disappear]

Cheshire Cat: You may have noticed that I’m not all there myself.

Like Alice in Wonderland, Week 17 must be viewed through the looking glass.

Up is down. Down is up.

Depending on perspective, Week 17 can be a bettor’s paradise or a bettor’s folly.

Teams are playing for playoff berths, seeding, conference titles, jobs, reputations, pride, contracts or summer vacations.

Some coaches are coaching for their jobs and players either tune them out or turn them on.

Tune out/ turn on coaching candidates:  Rex Ryan (NY Jets), Tom Coughlin (NY Giants), Mike Shanahan (Washington), Jason Garrett (Dallas), Dennis Allen (Oakland), Jim Schwartz (Detroit), Mike Munchak (Tennessee), Leslie Frazier (Minnesota), Mike Smith (Atlanta)

Quitters:  Minnesota Vikings, Atlanta Falcons, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Cleveland Browns, Oakland Raiders, Jacksonville Jaguars, Washington Redskins, Houston Texans.

AFC:

Carolina can clinch the AFC south and a first round bye with a win, Miami in with a win and some help (Baltimore loss, San Diego win), Baltimore in with a win and help (San Diego loss, Miami loss, Pittsburgh loss), San Diego in with a win and help (Miami loss/tie, Baltimore loss/tie), Pittsburgh in with a win and lots of help (Miami/Baltimore and San Diego loss)

NFC:

Philadelphia is in with a win, Dallas is in with a win, Chicago is in with a win or tie, Green Bay is in with a win, New Orleans in with a win and help (Arizona loss/tie), Arizona in with a win and help (New Orleans loss/tie)

Teams already in:

Denver, New England, Indianapolis, Cincinnati (first round bye on the line), Kansas City (nothing to play for), Seattle, Carolina, and San Francisco

Without further adieu, we offer our

Week 17 NFL Locks:

Carolina -5.5 @ Atlanta                                 L

Cincinnati -6 vs Baltimore                            W

Tennessee -7 vs Houston                               L

Indianapolis -11.5 vs Jacksonville              W

Miami -5.5 vs NY Jets                                     L

Detroit +3 vs Minnesota                                 L

NY Giants -3.5 vs Washington                      W

Pittsburgh -7 vs Cleveland                             W

Green Bay +7 @ Chicago                               W

Denver -12 @ Oakland                                    W

Buffalo +9.5 @ New England                        L

Tampa Bay +12.5 vs New Orleans               L

San Francisco -1 @ Arizona                          W

San Diego -9.5 vs Kansas City                       L

Seattle -10.5 vs St. Louis                                 W

Dallas +7.5 vs Philadelphia                            W

TCh NFL Locks ™ vs Spread (112 – 120 – 7) (.483%)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.