Posts Tagged ‘NFL Locks’

The Death of Elvis Presley

Friday, October 17th, 2014

Elvis

August 16, 1977 – Graceland, Memphis, TN

Elvis had become a paranoid, pill-popping parody of himself. He suffered from glaucoma, high blood pressure, liver damage, constipation, and an enlarged colon, brought on by years of drug abuse. In the first eight months of 1977, his doctor prescribed him more than 10,000 doses of sedatives, amphetamines and narcotics.

He had a hard time finishing 45 minute concerts. He forgot words and was unable to enunciate. His lips, tongue, cheeks, neck and fingers were fat and swollen.

Privately he feared the world had passed him by. The Beatles were all the rage and the drug-taking, war-hating hippies considered Elvis the music of their parents. In their eyes he was, in his eyes the worst thing in the world: a square.

A square? The King of Rock & Roll?

Presley was scheduled to fly out of Memphis to begin another tour. Instead he was discovered dead on his bathroom floor.

President Carter issued a statement:

Elvis Presley’s death deprives our country of a part of itself. He was unique and irreplaceable. More than 20 years ago, he burst upon the scene with an impact that was unprecedented and will probably never be equaled. His music and his personality, fusing the styles of white country and black rhythm and blues, permanently changed the face of American popular culture. His following was immense, and he was a symbol to people the world over of the vitality, rebelliousness, and good humor of his country.

The King is dead. Long live The King.

Week 7 NFL Locks ™

NY Jets +9.5 @ New England                             W

Indianapolis -3 vs Cincinnati                             W

Tennessee +6 @ Washington                            W

Chicago -3 vs Miami                                         L

Cleveland -5 W Jacksonville                          L

St. Louis +7 vs Seattle                                   W

Green Bay -6.5 vs Carolina                          W

Atlanta +6.5 @ Baltimore                           L

Buffalo -5.5 vs Minnesota                            L

Detroit -2.5 vs New Orleans                         L

San Diego -3.5 vs Kansas City                     L

NY Giants +6.5 @ Dallas                             L

Arizona -3.5 @ Oakland                                W

San Francisco +7 @ Denver                        L

Houston +3 @ Pittsburgh                             L

TCh NFL Locks ™ vs Spread (49 – 40 – 1) (.551%)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Approval for action against Cuba

Thursday, September 25th, 2014

On May 20, 1963 the Special Assistant for National Security, McGeorge Bundy, sent a top-secret “eyes only” memo to Special Group 5412 entitled: “Approval for actions against Cuba.”

Subject – Cuban attacks on reconnaissance flights – A contingency plan addendum

We have considered the plan of a fabricated incident and conclude that it would be feasible or desirable to contrive a mock Cuban attack on a US aircraft. This plan applies to a genuine attack on a US aircraft over or near Cuba.

1.) The Problem:

To capitalize on an attack on a US aircraft engaged in reconnaissance of Cuba by taking reprisals designed to place pressure on, or to effect the removal of, the Castro regime.

Week 4 NFL Locks ™

Washington -3 vs NY Giants                  L

Oakland +3.5 vs Miami                       L

Chicago +2 vs Green Bay                       L

Houston -3 vs Buffalo                        W

Indianapolis -7.5 vs Tennessee               W

Carolina +3.5 @ Baltimore                     L

Detroit -1.5 @ NY Jets                          W

Tampa Bay +7.5 @ Pittsburgh                W

San Diego -13 vs Jacksonville                  W

Philadelphia +5 @ San Francisco                 P

Atlanta -3 @ Minnesota                             L

New Orleans -3 @ Dallas                         L

Kansas City +3 vs New England                  W

TCh NFL Locks ™ vs Spread (29 – 19) (.604%)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Degenerate

Sunday, February 2nd, 2014

Writers often write about their writing muse.

That’s how we know we’re not writers.

There is no muse.

Instead, we’re degenerates.

Let’s look at the definitions:

de·gen·er·ate

diˈjenəˌrāt/

-adjective

having lost the physical, mental, or moral qualities considered normal and desirable; showing evidence of decline.

“a degenerate sports better would bet on the Super Bowl’s coin toss”

-noun

an immoral or corrupt person.

“the degenerate bet on the Super Bowl coin toss”

-verb

decline or deteriorate physically, mentally, or morally.

“the sports bettor degenerated to the point of betting on the Super Bowl coin flip”

It’s mere hours before Super Bowl XLVIII.

At this point, our serious betting is wrapped up like a Christmas present.

We’ve bet heavy paper, parlayed, and teased the pants off Seattle (+3), the money line (+120), and the under (47).

At this point in the day there’s nothing left to do except wrestle with the monkey on our back, wait for the game to start and publish some of our proposition Super Bowl Locks ™:

coin toss:

tails (-105) $100 wins $95                                               W

will any members of the Red Hot Chili Peppers be shirtless while performing?

yes (-200) $100 wins $50                                                W

how many times will Peyton Manning say “Omaha” during the game?

under 27 1/2 (even) $100 wins $100                             W

how many times will Archie Manning be shown during the game?

over 1 1/2 (-200) $100 wins $50                                      L

how many times will Eli Manning be shown during the game?

over 1 1/2 (-250) $100 wins $40                                     L

Super Bowl MVP

Russell Wilson (15/4) $100 wins $375                            L

Percy Harvin (10/1) $100 wins $1,000                               L

Marshawn Lynch (4/1) $100 wins $400                             L

player to score the 1st touchdown

Marshawn Lynch (5/1) $100 wins $500                             W

Percy Harvin (12/1) $100 wins $1,200                                L

Have fun and good luck, America!

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s Super Bowl Prop Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Super Bowl

Tuesday, January 28th, 2014

Super Bowl Sunday is the holiest of all the holy days … and our favorite.

It’s bigger than Christmas, bigger than Easter, bigger than Thanksgiving, and maybe even bigger than your birthday.

All of America tunes in.

Babies cry, women tremble, old people hide inside, children stare in wonder.

Grown men paint their faces, holler, scream and mumble.

Fuel our Bud Light buzzes.

Even if your team didn’t make it to The Big Game, you can still have a rooting interest in the form of an online, local bookie, or pick a square, wager. Let me assure you: having skin in the game makes it a lot more fun.

Don’t worry about the legalities. Legalities are for pussies.

The game opened as a pick ’em and quickly moved to Denver -3. The line is apparently settling in the Denver -2.5 camp (although online shoppers can find -3 … http://www.bovada.lv/). Likewise, early Seattle bettors took advantage of the Seattle +120 money line which has now settled into the +110 area. If you like Denver, the money line is going to cost you between -130 and -116.

Give us this day, our annual Super Bowl.

Tales of the Tape ™:

Defense –

Denver vs. Seattle

Winner: Seattle

Offense –

Denver vs. Seattle

Winner: Denver

Quarterbacks –

Manning vs. Wilson

Winner: Denver

Running backs-

Knowshon vs. Marshawn

Winner: Seattle

Coaches –

Fox vs. Carroll

Winner:  Seattle

Musicians –

Washington: Jimmy Hendrix, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Sound Garden, Heart, Death Cab for Cutie, Macklemore

Colorado: Earth, Wind & Fire, John Denver, Left Over Salmon, Big Head Todd

Winner: Seattle

Known for –

Washington: Starbucks, Space Needle, micro-brews, Boeing & Microsoft, grunge, Seahawks, Mariners, the loss of the SuperSonics

Colorado: Ski-resorts, Air Force Academy, Coors, bicycling, NORAD, Pro Rodeo Hall of Fame, Broncos, Rockies, Avalanche, Nuggets

Winner: Denver

Nicknames –

Seattle: The Queen City, Emerald City, Gateway to Alaska, Rain City, Jet City, The 206, The City of Flowers, The Goodwill City

Denver: Queen City of the Plains, Queen City of the West, Mile High City, Broncoville, LA of the Mountain West, Wall Street of the West

Winner: Seattle

Population-

Seattle: 634,535

Denver: 634,265

Winner:  Seattle

Weed laws –

Washington State’s Initiative 502 (I-502), which decriminalizes recreational marijuana, was voted into law in November 2012. The new law allows the creation of a licensed and regulated system of marijuana production and distribution, similar to the state’s liquor controls.  Implementation of this system is scheduled to begin December 1, 2013, when businesses can begin applying for licenses. Marijuana retail stores should begin opening to the public in the spring of 2014. At this time – even though there is not yet any legal way to buy pot – the possession and use of a limited amount of recreational marijuana is no longer against Washington State law.

Colorado:

Since the enactment of Colorado Amendment 64, adults aged 21 or older can grow up to six cannabis plants (with no more than half being mature flowering plants), privately in a locked space, legally possess all cannabis from the plants they grow (as long as it stays where it was grown), legally possess up to one ounce of cannabis while traveling, and give as a gift up to one ounce to other citizens 21 years of age or older. Consumption is permitted in a manner similar to alcohol, with equivalent offenses proscribed for driving. Public consumption remains illegal. Amendment 64 also provides for licensing of cultivation facilities, product manufacturing facilities, testing facilities, and retail stores.

Winner: Denver

If we tally our Tales of the Tape ™, Seattle wins 6 – 4.

Of course, much of this has nothing to do with football and is overtly subjective. Still, we stay the course.

We believe defense wins championships and we think Peyton Manning and his Gomer Pyle, “aw-shucks” demeanor is a fraud and a phony.

For these reasons, our

TCh World Famous Super Bowl Lock:

Seattle +3 vs Denver                               W

TCh NFL Locks ™ vs Spread (126 – 131 – 8 ) (.490%)

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.