Archive for the ‘NBA Locks’ Category

NBA Locks

Thursday, February 7th, 2019

Degenerate NBA Betting Locks

So this is it?

All that remain are the grifters, swindlers, and degenerates.

The trade deadline has come and gone.

Anthony Davis is still, much to Magic’s dismay, a Pelican.

The NBA remains in disarray.

The East is up for grabs.

Golden State implodes while waiting for KD to calm the f#ck down.

Hindsight is 20-20, but it’s worth mentioning BEFORE tonight’s games: The 6 team parlay pays out 50 to 1.

Bet $500 win $25,000.

Tonight’s NBA Locks/6 Team Guaranteed Parlay:

Minnesota +3 @ Orlando                    L

LA Clippers +7 @ Indiana                     L

Toronto -8.5 @ Atlanta                       W

Boston -8.5 vs LA Lakers                    L

Portland -6 vs San Antonio                  W

Memphis +13.5 @ OKC                      L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

NBA Betting Can Make You Nuts

Tuesday, February 5th, 2019

Betting the NBA can make you nuttier than a walnut crumb cake.

Many better bettors than us have been brought to their knees by the allure of betting the NBA.

However, all you really have to know is:  no one beats the wise guys. No one.

Common sense and conservative thinking are the NBA handicapper’s poison pills.

It takes a fickle heart, fearless soul, and a rudderless moral compass.

You can handicap until you’re blue in the balls and it won’t help. You can look at team records, home & away, back to backs, east coast, west coast, and injury reports.

You can implement NBA betting formulas, rules, and axioms such as the MVN (Magic Value Number), 3 games in 4 nights, western conference to eastern conference time zones, team name dominance, zig-zagging, or opposites.

Still, you will find yourself with the incredible shrinking NBA betting bank roll.

The answer? Besides the all too obvious: don’t bet the NBA, is to think outside the box and try to stay at least a half step in front of the linesmakers.

Tonight we offer, once again, our TCh (in)famous NBA Locks ™:

Indiana +3 vs LA Lakers                      W

Cleveland +11.5 vs Boston                    W

Charlotte -3.5 vs LA Clippers                 L

Detroit -4  @ NY Knicks                     W

OKC -9.5 vs Orlando                       W

Philadelphia -3 vs Toronto                 L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

El Hombre Loco

Saturday, April 26th, 2014

The Brooklyn Nets made their move. They gave up picks, riff raff and flim-flam becoming instant, draft-night Championship contenders (15/1).

They not only stole the face of the Boston Celtics (Paul Pierce) they also stole: El Hombre Loco.

In prison there is structure. A hierarchy. Order.

There is the warden, guards, and prisoners.

Prisoners segregate into racial groups:  Latinos, Blacks, Whites, and Asians.

And then there’s the crazy man:  El Hombre Loco.

Heavyweight Champ Sonny Liston, the baddest man on the planet, learned this during his time at the Missouri State Penitentiary.

He feared no man, prisoner or guard, except for the crazy man.

Cassius Clay was Sonny Liston’s crazy man.

The crazy man is unpredictable. He talks to himself, pounds his chest, throws his feces, and attacks the biggest, baddest dude in the joint with a spoon to the eyeballs.

He does knuckle push-ups.

In Stir Crazy, Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder get tossed in the can.

Pryor instructs Wilder that “we bad” and Wilder, unable to pull it off, settles for the crazy man persona.

Kevin Garnett is LeBron James’ El Hombre Loco.

Garnett makes LeBron twitch and tweak.

He makes LeBron uncomfortable.

El Hombre Loco is why the Brooklyn Nets will upset the Heat for the Eastern Conference.

The Brooklyn Nets are our new, favorite team.

Mark Lane Kennedy Center Honors

Friday, April 11th, 2014

The First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people to peaceably assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” (Ratified on December 15, 1791)

Mark Lane has lived an important life.

Through his life’s actions he gives hope and inspires.

Military veteran, attorney, activist, advocate, politician, investigator, defender, author, Freedom Rider, film maker, Jonestown survivor, and counsel at Wounded Knee.

Over the decades, friends, cohorts, allies, and accomplices include Eleanor Roosevelt, Dick Gregory, Jim Garrison, Jane Fonda, Paul McCartney, and Marlon Brando.

His inadvertent journey into the heart of the JFK assassination darkness authored: Rush to Judgment, Plausible Denial and Last Word: My Indictment of the CIA in the Murder of JFK.

We support the effort to Nominate Mark Lane for 2014 Kennedy Center Honors

A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.

-Jackie Robinson

I Want My MTV …

Wednesday, April 9th, 2014

They say it’s darkest right before the dawn and in Max’s case it’s true. In 1986 luminary, Jake “The Fizz” Fizzario (RIP) shot across the Las Vegas desert sky intersecting and brightening Max Steingrout’s life.

Together, they turned Las Vegas upside down with “The System,” culminating in Max Steingrout’s wrongful (& illegal) entry into The Black Book in 1991.

The Fizz (RIP) was done. Max was done. “The System” was done and, in Max’s opinion: Las Vegas was done.

The corporate takeover was complete. The last vestiges of Meyer Lansky’s crew were run out of town with Lefty Rosenthal & Co.

TCh NBA Locks ™-

Detroit +6.5 @ Cleveland                           L

Brooklyn -5.5 @ Orlando                               L

Toronto -13 vs Philadelphia                             L

Charlotte +5.5 @ Washington                          W

Atlanta -7.5 vs Boston                             W

Miami +4.5 @ Memphis                                 W

Indiana -2 @ Milwaukee                                     P

Chicago -2.5 @ Minnesota                                   W

New Orleans +6.5 vs Phoenix                               W

Houston -1.5 @ Denver                                    L

Portland -13 vs Sacramento                              L

OKC +3 @ LA Clippers                                    W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.


Tuesday, April 8th, 2014

Like smoke caught in the vortex of a crack pipe, The Fizz ran through the sports book at the center of Caesars Palace. He ran as he always ran when cashing a big bet – hurriedly, unsmiling, head down, as if the other degenerates praise was a storm of rain to get out of. He didn’t tip his cap. Though we thumped, wept, and chanted “We want Fizz” for minutes after he left the casino, he did not come back. A 10 team parlay! The noise for some seconds passed beyond excitement into a kind of immense open anguish, a wailing, a cry to be saved. But immortality is nontransferable. The papers said that the other bettors, and even the pit bosses, begged him to come out for a picture or acknowledgement in some way, but he never had and did not now. Gods do not answer mortals.

In 1989 Jake “The Fizz” Fizzario, the bastard son of a loose gypsy woman, commandeered The $100,000 Caesers Palace Parlay Challenge, winning a 10-team parlay, and became the official: Las Vegas Parlay King.

In 1990, Clark County casinos stopped accepting anything more than 3 team parlays from Fizzario or any known associates.

TCh NBA Locks ™ –
Brooklyn +7 @ Miami                                  W
San Antonio -7 @ Minnesota                                   L
Dallas -7 @ Utah                                       W
OKC -9 @ Sacramento                                   W
Houston -9 @ LA Lakers                                    W
Atlanta -7 vs Detroit                                     L
Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.


Thursday, March 27th, 2014

Fanzines, followers, friends, tumblejockeys, instagrammers, meth heads, degenerates, and beloved Nana, rumor of our demise have come and gone, we’ve been bought and sold, we’ve quit and crawled back …

Tonight’s TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™-

Portland -4.5 @ Atlanta                   W

LA Lakers +3 @ Milwaukee                P

Houston -19.5 vs Philadelphia             W

Dallas +1 vs LA Clippers                    L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

G. Robert Blakey

Saturday, March 22nd, 2014

G. Robert Blakey  – South Bend, Indiana

In 2011 we called former Chief Counsel & Director of The House Select Committee on Assassinations, G. Robert Blakey at his Notre Dame lair.


Hello, Professor Blakey?

(Pause) Yes?

Hi, I’m Max, can I talk to you for a minute?

I’m, -uh, actually, in a meeting, now’s not good, you can try me in an hour.

(An hour & 1/2 later …)


Professor Blakey?

(Pause & no comment)

This is Max, I called you, like, an hour ago and I’m hoping to talk to you for a minute –

Uh, ok, I only have 10 minutes.

Terrific, looking back at the HSCA, it seems as though you were put in a very difficult and very, very political position.

I didn’t look at it as a political position at all. We were there to do a job.

It’s my understanding, the HSCA found conspiracy probable due to acoustic evidence-

No, you’re wrong. There was enough evidence to find probable conspiracy even without acoustical evidence.

Like what?

Witnesses and witness reaction. There was SM Holland standing on the overpass. There’s the Zapruder film.

There was 1 – 2, 3 – 4 shots. The first two coming from the rear.

After all these years, Lone Nut or Conspiracy. Does it matter?

No. Well, it matters for history.

Did the Committee find evidence that Oswald & Ruby knew each other?

No we didn’t. And I don’t believe they knew each other and it doesn’t matter even if they did. There are some that say they saw them together at the strip club. Frankly, I don’t  believe it.

Regarding the intelligence agencies stonewalling of your commitee, specifically, Joannides, do you think it implicates the intelligence community?

No, not at all. There’s no reason to think, just because they stonewalled us, that they had anything to do with conspiracy.

What about the other things, like discrediting conspiracy theorists like Mark Lane?

Well, right. All these things add up and make us wonder why? We found no evidence that suggested the CIA had anything to do with the assassination. Look, if they did have anything to do with the assassination they wouldn’t leave anything behind anyway.

What about the Mexico City recordings and photos?

Those things aren’t evidence of conspiracy.

As sad as the assassination itself was, what seems almost as sad to me, is it’s historical aftermath. Whether it was the cabal, mafia, or a lone nut, it just seems so sad that we still wonder.

Look, a completely sane, rational person can believe Lone Nut. We found some evidence of mafia conspiracy on a local level, not a commission level. We know this because, nationally, we were wiretapping them. We would have heard some chatter.

With hindsight, after all these years, & you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, do you still believe these (mafia) forces were behind the assassination?

(No Answer)

Professor Blakey?

(No Answer – Pause – then “click.”)

Professor Blakey?

TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™-

Miami -5.5 @New Orleans                       L

Utah -5.5 vs Orlando                              L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.


Friday, March 21st, 2014

We recently received a call from a jabroni wearing a tie suggesting a lawsuit about some sort of trademark infringement for our (in)Famous NBA Locks ™ columns.

He said (and we para-phrase): “Attorney Bing Herbcock (not his real name) here, I represent Mega-Corp (not real name but some company we’ve never heard of). My client has influence connected to gambling interests in both Las Vegas and abroad, specifically in the Cayman Islands. Mega-Corp (not real name) is considering a complaint against your shitty, little website for your “NFL Locks” trademark. This complaint arising under the trademark act of 1946 pursuant to trademark infringement, dilution, false designation of origin, unfair competition, and deceptive trade practices … blah, blah, blah,” so boring.

What Attorney Blabcock doesn’t know is: we have attorneys too.

We don’t know he was wearing a tie but on this we’re trusting our instincts …

TCh (in)Famous NBA Locks ™-

Chicago +6 @ Indiana                             L

Philadelphia +12 vs NY                            W

OKC -3 @ Toronto                               L

New Orleans +7 @ Atlanta                      W

Brooklyn -8.5 vs Boston                       W

Miami -4.5 vs Memphis                      W

Denver +8.5 @ Dallas                             L

Detroit +8.5 @ Phoenix                            W

Sacramento +8 vs San Antonio                     L

Washington -4.5 @ LA Lakers                      W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

El Perezoso

Thursday, March 20th, 2014

Tijuana, Mexico – 1992

After his inglorious expulsion from Las Vegas, Max disappeared south of the border.

The US dollar was strong and, for a while, he lived like a king. He immersed himself in the culture.

He drank, drugged, smoked, whored & gambled on cock fights.

He became one with the Mexican people & they became one with him.

He learned the language.

After the money was gone, during the day, he picked fruit with the small children and old women.

They called him El Perezoso which means: “The Fast Picker.”

At night he would pick the fruits of Tijuana’s daughters.

Later, the fathers, pimps or young Mexican suitors would pick fights with him.

TCh (in)Famours NBA Locks ™-

OKC -9.5 @ Cleveland                                L

Minnesota +7.5 @ Houston                         L

Portland -4.5 vs Washington                        W

Golden State -13 vs Milwaukee                      W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NBA Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.