Archive for the ‘NFL Locks’ Category

Super Bowl Lock of The Century

Tuesday, January 29th, 2019

Longtime associate, one-time knee breaker, all-time ball breaker, Dick Wheeler, turned to religion in a last ditch effort to hedge his ultimate bet.

“L’Chaim,” he proffered in his most sincere Tony Curtis voice.

During his final days, Dick was a pee-stained shadow of his former self.

There was a time, a lifetime ago, he was a someone. A Las Vegas god working as assistant GM at the Tropicana directly under Lefty Rosenthal.

After making connections, he maneuvered into the loan and used car business. He didn’t sell many cars but had his own jet.

Dick Wheeler spent a lifetime getting the edge on people and pushing them around.

Over the years, we’ve learned not to argue with him. Lately, it’s best not to talk or even acknowledge him. Eventually he goes away agitated and confused.

“Your Kansas City pick was shit.”

For a moment his one eye without a cataract twinkled like a young Cassius Clay, dancing on his toes, unable to be painted into the corner. In full command of his faculties.

We asked him who he likes in the Super Bowl.

In that moment, Cassius Clay turns into an old, mustachioed Muhammad Ali taking an inhumane beating into retirement at the hands of former sparring partner, Larry Holmes.

Dick Wheeler’s eyes glazed over, as if wondering what’s for lunch.

“Follow the money,” he murmurs.

More right than wrong, let’s take a sneak peak at our Super Bowl LIII Lock of The Century.

The line opened with the Rams -1.5 favorites and the money cascaded on New England to the point where they’re now  -2.5 favorites. That’s a crazy 4 point swing. All the money has been being dumped on New England.

In Loving Memory of Dick Wheeler (3/14/1928 – 1/28/2019) RIP, we’re following the money and taking:

New England -2.5 vs LA Rams               W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

NFL Playoff Locks: Redemption

Friday, January 18th, 2019

Gone are the days of the big advertising contracts, dot com money, country clubs, expense accounts, courtesy cars, champagne, cocaine, personal assistants, interns, and high class escort services. Only empty bottles of Svedka Vodka remain from the skeletal corporate takeover celebration, a project forever on hold. Revenues are meager, endorsements gone, sponsors withdrawn, inspections rejected, bills unpaid. We spend our lonely nights in the lounge hoping someone will slip us a rufie.

This weekend’s NFL Playoff Locks are about redemption.

Bet early, bet often.

You can thank us on Monday.

KC -3 vs New England                         L

LA Rams +3.5  @ New Orleans               W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

NFL Playoff Locks of the Week

Friday, January 11th, 2019

We don’t get out much anymore.

Too much anxiety and stress on the lumbar, specifically #’s 3, 4 & 5.

The exception being when the dim-witted nephew visits Las Vegas and slips me a hit of ecstacy.

I say “slips,” ok, I buy it. A hit for me, him, his friends, and more for me.

The X seems to take the edge off the lower lumbar.

Quick season review reveals: 21 – 18 – 3 record.

Middling, at best. Chimpanzee-like, at worst.

Still, there’s time left in this NFL season to make winners out of all of us.

Looking back at this year’s published picks, we lost when we stopped thinking for ourselves.

We lost when we listened to others and stopped listening to ourselves.

Basically, we lost when we lost our backbone.

Well, This is Us, our NFL Playoff Locks of the Week:

Kansas City -5.5 vs Indianapolis                      W

LA Rams -7 vs Dallas                                     W

LA Chargers +4 @ New England                           L

New Orleans -8 vs Philadelphia                       L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

 

 

 

 

 

 

WEEK 17 NFL Locks

Friday, December 28th, 2018

Chickenhawk's NFL Locks

As long time Chicken lovers know, Week 17 is the most fortuitous time to bet heavy paper.

Spreads are big, moving fast and whispers of “the fix is in” may be more than just rumors.

Case in point, Houston opened at -10 vs Jacksonville and moved to -6.5.

What does that tell us?

Heavy paper has been dropping on Jacksonville.

Similarly, Minnesota’s spread vs Chicago has dropped from -7 to -4.5 and Pittsburgh’s -17 vs Cincinnati has gone from -17 to -14.5.

Likewise, the gambling public has been favoring the visiting dogs forcing the linesmakers to drop their numbers.

Famous for zigging where others zag, our NFL Locks of the Week are the home favorites and their marginalized point spreads:

Houston -6.5 vs Jacksonville                           W

Minnesota -4.5 vs Chicago                            L

Pittsburgh -14.5 vs Cincinnati                          L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

 

 

 

 

Darkest before the Dawn

Thursday, December 13th, 2018

They say it’s darkest before the dawn. We hope it’s true. Unnerved by never ending narcissists, present company not excluded, we’ve decided we need to either shape up or ship out. We need to ferret out the contenders from pretenders and get rid of the dead weight. We need to smell the salts or the roses and we must face the facts. They’re not coming. No one is coming. Like your birthday party when you were 12 or the rager you tried to throw in the community room: there are no visitors.

Sigh.

At the same time, it’s freeing isn’t it?

Like going commando.

So here we sit, free-balling.

Thursday Night Football Lock of the Week ™-

LA Chargers +3.5 @ KC                             

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

 

NFL Locks of the Week –

Thursday, November 15th, 2018

In the ’50′s we drank martinis and chased communists.

In the ’60′s we dropped acid and chased hippies in mini-skirts.

In the ’70′s we snorted coke and had unprotected sex with interns.

In the ’80′s we dissolved into our scotch and marital problems.

The ’90′s were an ecstasy blur haunted by erectile dysfunction and illegal money grabs.

The 21st Century is reserved for pharmaceutical companies and retirees with extra prostitute money.

NFL Locks of the Week ™-

Atlanta -3 vs Dallas                          L

LA Chargers -7 vs Denver               L

Arizona -4.5 vs Oakland                 L

Rams -3 vs Kansas City                P

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

 

The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks of the Week

Wednesday, November 7th, 2018

icarus

Man out of time Max Steingrout, like Icarus, flew too close to the sun.

The Nevada Gaming Commission believed him to be the mob-connected lynchpin responsible for manipulating the outcome of hundreds, if not thousands, of college and professional basketball games.

In reality, the mob rode Steingrout like a painted show pony.

Although too much drinking, smoking, drugging, and whoring had taken their toll, he could still read the writing on the wall.

He fled south of the border.

Upon his return to Las Vegas, Max the Junkie had lost his nerve, his mind, and his soul.

He became the mark for the tourists, junkies, pimps and prostitutes he once so proudly preyed upon.

Faces were the same but the names had changed, perhaps to protect the innocent.

Max knew there were no innocents.

For money, he wandered The Strip in a methadone fog forcing escort brochures into the hands of unsuspecting old ladies and wide-eyed children.

NFL Locks of the Week ™:

New England -6.5 @ Tennessee                 L

Indianapolis -3 vs Jacksonville                  P

Green Bay -9 vs Miami                           W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

NFL Locks ™

Friday, November 2nd, 2018

If you did blow in Las Vegas in the early ’80s it probably came from someone who got it from someone who go it from Birdie Wallace.

He supplied coke to everyone who supplied coke to everyone in Las Vegas: dealers, valets, bartenders, taxi drivers, strippers, whores, hotel managers, stars and performers.

Steve & Edie, Phyllis Dyller, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Sammy Davis Jr., Brando, Eric Estrada, Goldie Hawn: either directly or indirectly, Max Steingrout sold cocaine to them all.

Birdie Wallace’s cocaine.

Peru was the world’s leading producer of cocaine. The Colombian traffickers turned it into a dirty, bloody business and the cartel cocaine wars turned violent. This spelled the end for ’60’s pacifists like Las Vegas’ Birdie Wallace.

He didn’t have the stomach for the rough stuff.

Birdie made too many people nervous and he started to make too much money.

Birdie was fine doing the hustle, rolling a junkie or slapping around an under-aged runaway hooker, but once he started to move mountains of coke and make the kind of money reserved for Wayne Newton, he no longer knew his place.

One day he flew away.

Allegedly with a bullet to the back of his head.

NFL Locks of the Week ™-

Minnesota -4.5 vs Detroit                         W

Kansas City -7.5 @ Cleveland                    W

Chicago -9.5 @ Buffalo                            W

LA Rams -1  @ New Orleans                      L

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

 

The Midlife Crisis

Wednesday, October 31st, 2018

As the human male ages his production of testosterone slows, accompanied by: hair loss, weight gain, and the diminished ability to make decisions.

Characterized by leadership roles, the loss of decision making skills can be devastating to the species leading to feelings of fear, failure, self-doubt & depression.

The loss of decision making skills can be especially ruinous to the aging, professional sports bettor.

Walk into Caesars’ Sportsbook and look into the eyes of the senior gambling degenerates. There’s nothing there. Vacant, empty stares. There’s no one home. No hope, no spirit. No God.

Sometimes the aging human male lashes out, making irresponsible, irrational decisions, or series of decisions, often referred to as: “the midlife crisis.”

Victims turn to drinking, drugs, gambling, prostitutes, Corvettes, & betting blogs …

Tonight’s NFL Lock of the Week ™:

San Francisco -2.5 vs Oakland                   W

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

 

Week 8 NFL Locks of the Week

Friday, October 26th, 2018

April 30, 1975 – Saigon fell, and so did 18 year old, Huckleberry Max Steingrout’s spirits.

His dream of conscription dashed.

JFK, MLK, & RFK were dead.

Nixon resigned.

Chevy Chase parodied a bumbling, stumbling Gerald Ford on Saturday nights.

Hormones and acne in full bloom, Max had few friends and fewer girlfriends.

Rumor of legalized prostitution convinced him to take a Trailways bus from Elmira, NY to Las Vegas, NV.

43 years later, it all seems like yesterday ….

The Chickenhawk’s Week 8 Locks of the Week ™ are:

Cincinnati -3.5 vs Tampa Bay                      L

Indianapolis -3 @ Oakland                      W

Minnesota PK vs New Orleans                    L

Buffalo +14 vs New England                       L 

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.