“Let me be clear: I have never used steroids or HGH.”
– Roger Clemens, February, 2008
WASHINGTON, DC –
The US government has charged Roger Clemens with perjury.
Four years, a mistrial, and six weeks into the new trial, the Clemens trial is the trial no one really wants.
The Rocket doesn’t want it. Andy Pettite doesn’t want it. Brian McNamee doesn’t want it. US District Judge Reggie Walton doesn’t want it. The jury doesn’t want it. The prosecution doesn’t want it. Major League Baseball doesn’t want it. America doesn’t want it. The National Media doesn’t want it.
Coverage has been exhausted, relegated to page twos, third-rate local anchors, Ritalin-riddled roving reporters and random sports & entertainment websites.
The Chickenhawk pen-pal, Jose Canseco says: “It’s ridiculous. There’s got to be better ways to spend taxpayer money.”
Hollywood insider, Max Steingrout, explains: “There’s no sizzle. Let’s face it, it’s yesterday’s news baby. Look, the guy’s a prick, but it’s not like he killed someone. No one wants to see him go to prison. Trust me, he ain’t going to prison, as they say in Vegas, ‘the fix is in.’ He’s got friends in high places.”
When asked if he thinks Clemens used steroids, Canseco adds: “I was always suspicious, but if you ask me if I had solid evidence, did I ever put him in contact, did I ever inject him, did I ever see him use steroids, the answer would be no.”
