Clemens Acquitted!

by Max Steingrout (guest columnist, Las Vegas Legend / Legal Analyst / Hollywood Insider)


Breakfast in bed, a round of golf, the US Open, a straight-up martini, extra dry – no fruit, and Game 3 of the NBA Championship.

While America celebrates a Happy Father’s Day, Roger Clemens sweats inside a hotel room somewhere in our nation’s capital.

If Roger types “Save Roger” into his Google search bar, he’ll stumble into our humble, One & Only Sports & Entertainment News & Investigative Degenerate, Internet, Destination Resort and, perhaps, The Rocket Man will rest easy because we are the first media outlet in the world to announce:

Roger Clemens has been acquitted!                                W

Inside sources have revealed to The Chickenhawk that the jury was not presented with enough evidence to prove Roger Clemens used steroids or performance enhancing drugs beyond a shadow of doubt.

Over the years, investigators have wondered if we have ever used performance enhancing drugs.

The answer: Yes! Of course. In the ’50s martinis, in the ’60s acid, in the 70’s cocaine, in the 80’s ecstasy, in the ’90’s crystal meth, now it’s martinis again, and erectile dysfunction drugs.

Steroids and HGH? We never thought they’d help us with our sports picks.

If we thought they would have, however, then we would probably be in the same situation as Roger Clemens.

Anyhoo, sleep tight Rocket Man, tomorrow it will be official.

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