The Parlay King – NFL Locks of the Week ™

Like smoke caught in the vortex of a crack pipe, The Fizz ran through the sports book at the center of Caesars Palace. He ran as he always ran when cashing a big bet – hurriedly, unsmiling, head down, as if the other degenerates praise was a storm of rain to get out of. He didn’t tip his cap. Though we thumped, wept, and chanted “We want Fizz” for minutes after he left the casino, he did not come back. A 10 team parlay! The noise for some seconds passed beyond excitement into a kind of immense open anguish, a wailing, a cry to be saved. But immortality is nontransferable. The papers said that the other bettors, and even the pit bosses, begged him to come out for a picture or acknowledgement in some way, but he never had and did not now. Gods do not answer mortals.

– John Updike

In 1988 Jake “The Fizz” Fizzario, the bastard son of a loose gypsy woman, commandeered The $100,000 Caesers Palace Parlay Challenge, winning a 10-team parlay, and became the official: Las Vegas Parlay King.

He hit so many parlays that, in 1990, Clark County casinos stopped accepting anything more than 3 team parlays from Fizzario or any known associates.

For most everyone, the parlay is not a good bet.

Fizzario was not everyone.

He knew next to nothing about sports. He couldn’t name a single player on a single team. He handicapped games based on some sort of psychedelic, spiritual guidance.

Fizzario felt that the thing with the parlay is you either win or lose. It was a 50 – 50. Just like any other bet. You win or you lose.

The parlay is the most popular of the exotic bets offering the biggest bang for the buck. However, the odds of the payoff are much less than the true odds.

Parlay Odds:

2 teams 13-5
3 teams 6-1
4 teams 10-1
5 teams 25-1
6 teams 40-1
7 teams 75-1
8 teams 150-1
9 teams 300-1
10 teams 600-1

Rocketing out of the gate, we’ve stumbled to our 6 – 3 – 1 published record.

Boo-birds: we hear you.

In Loving Memory of Jake “The Parlay King” Fizzario (RIP) we offer …

Our Free, Fabulous, Five Team Parlay (FFFTP) ™:

Minnesota -10.5 vs Arizona                      w

Miami +3 vs Chicago                                   w

Indianapolis +3 @ NY Jets                           l

Cincinnati -2.5 vs Pittsburgh                         l

Seattle -2.5 @ Oakland                             w

5 team parlay: $200 wins $5,000

Winning money can be this easy.

Disclaimer: The Chickenhawk’s NFL Locks of the Week ™ are not for entertainment purposes. They are for making you serious amounts of ca$h. Remember: the more you bet, the more you win.

Leave a Reply