Archive for the ‘Save Roger ™’ Category

Clemens: Not A Good Guy

Friday, February 22nd, 2013

Roger Clemens loves to issue statements.

In 2008 The Daily News reported Clemens had a decade-long relationship with country star Mindy McCready which began when she was 15 years-old.

Clemens issued a statement:  “I know that many people want to know what I have to say about the recent articles in the media. Even though these articles contain many false accusations and mistakes, I need to say I have made mistakes in my personal life for which I am sorry. I have apologized to my family and apologize to my fans. Like everyone, I have flaws. I have sometimes made choices which have not been right. Now, I have been accused of having an improper relationship with a 15-year-old girl. Nothing could be further from the truth. This relationship has been twisted and distorted far beyond reality. It is just one of many, many accusations that are utterly false.”

McCready told the Daily News she “cannot refute anything in the story.”

Authorities reported McCready died at her home in Heber Springs, Ark., of an apparent pet-murder/suicide.

At Houston Astro’s camp in Kissimmee, Fla., special instructor Clemens issued a statement: “Yes, that is sad news. I had heard over time that she was trying to get peace and direction in her life. The few times that I had met her and her manager/agent they were extremely nice.”

Clemens lobbied for the Hall of Fame pretending not to lobby for the Hall of Fame:  “I’m not going to lose any sleep over it. If those guys feel I deserve to be there, then I deserve to be there. If they feel I don’t, then that’s OK too. I’ve had a great time when I’ve gone to Cooperstown. I know a lot of people that work over there, too. If you’re around my groups of people, and the same thing when I go to the cities I’ve played in, the people have been nothing but great down on the streets to me.”

Clemens is now threatening to write a book: “It’ll be a little bit of everything. But there are some people that need to get cut off at the knees, because they think they know me and they write for me and act like they know me. So we’ll have to cut them off at the knees.”

We hope he’s not talking about us.

Anatomy of Breaking News

Wednesday, July 4th, 2012

Breaking news is hard business.

Hard if you’re a paid professional.

Harder still if your an unpaid unprofessional.

Harder than we imagined.

It’s a 24/7 news cycle and you’re only as good as your last breaking news story.

Working around the clock, checking and re-checking sources, on Sunday, June 17th The Chickenhawk was the first media outlet in the world to publish news of Roger Clemens’ acquittal.

Beating breaking news giants:  The New York Times, Huffington Post, and TMZ to the revelation.

Humble site statistics went through the roof.

Koby, Kory, Kacy,  and Kody typed “Save Roger” in their google toolbars.

Writers, journalists, editors, publishers, prosecutors, prognosticators, pornographers, fornicators, and men in suits wondered what they were missing.

As lunch time passed into late afternoon, and still no word from the jury, we wondered too.

Our journalistic integrity was at stake, not to mention the integrity of our unnamed source.

Ben Bradlee-types patted their internet porn, crystal meth addicted Ivy League journalism degree carrying reporters on their khaki wearing asses, assuring them and themselves they’re doing a great job.

On Monday, after nearly 10 hours of deliberation, legal analyst Dan LaRoche, when asked if there was any truth to our online story, said:  “I don’t thinks so, based on the amount of documents the jury has asked for, we don’t expect a verdict until at least Wednesday, maybe later.”

We’re not certain what the jurors worked on all day, but at 6:40 pm EST Clemens’ acquittal was official.

The internet can be a strange and scary place.

Pop-ups, viruses, uploads, downloads, usernames and passwords.

Snooki tweets she’s pregnant.

The Daily Beast posts Anderson is gay.

People reports Katie is no longer wearing Tom’s wedding ring.

The breathless world waits to inhale the next big breaking news story.

The Chickenhawk:  Breaking News So You Can Just Sit There.

The Goose Is Loose

Wednesday, June 27th, 2012

COOPERSTOWN, NY —  During a recent radio interview, Hall of Famer Goose Gossage said Roger Clemens should never make it into the Hall of Fame.

Gossage said Clemens lied about steroid use, labeled him a cheater, and likened him to OJ.

“Are we going to reward these guys for cheating? Even though he was found innocent, it was because of the bad testimony. No one believed McNamee and Pettitte kind of changed his thing, ‘Did I really hear what he told me.’ O.J. Simpson, did you believe he didn’t kill those two people?”

Goose went on to say The Chickenhawk e-mail pen pal, Jose Canseco, is telling the truth:  “Canseco is the only guy who has come clean. Like him or not, he is telling the truth. These guys lie, lie, lie and lie. Roger, I think, is in the same boat. I think there is validity to him using and absolutely not do they belong in the Hall of Fame.”

“Cheaters? Does a test count when you get busted for cheating on a test. No and neither should steroids. There is no place for them in the Hall of Fame.”

Rocket Redemption

Tuesday, June 26th, 2012

Rusty Hardin insists while America judged The Rocket, Roger Clemens never used steroids.

Goose Gossage thinks Clemens is full of shit and doesn’t want his lyin’, cheatin’ ass in the Hall of Fame with him.

Meanwhile, Clemens is just looking for a little r & r and a chance to take in a ballgame at the lyrical little band box that is Fenway Park. So he happened to sit in the front row of the visible Monster Seats. So, he happened to be wearing the colors, white, of the Lone Ranger.

Roger Clemens Brother Love’s Traveling Hall of Fame Salvation Show

“He must be admitted because he was acquitted.”

Clemens Acquitted!

Sunday, June 17th, 2012

by Max Steingrout (guest columnist, Las Vegas Legend / Legal Analyst / Hollywood Insider)


Breakfast in bed, a round of golf, the US Open, a straight-up martini, extra dry – no fruit, and Game 3 of the NBA Championship.

While America celebrates a Happy Father’s Day, Roger Clemens sweats inside a hotel room somewhere in our nation’s capital.

If Roger types “Save Roger” into his Google search bar, he’ll stumble into our humble, One & Only Sports & Entertainment News & Investigative Degenerate, Internet, Destination Resort and, perhaps, The Rocket Man will rest easy because we are the first media outlet in the world to announce:

Roger Clemens has been acquitted!                                W

Inside sources have revealed to The Chickenhawk that the jury was not presented with enough evidence to prove Roger Clemens used steroids or performance enhancing drugs beyond a shadow of doubt.

Over the years, investigators have wondered if we have ever used performance enhancing drugs.

The answer: Yes! Of course. In the ’50s martinis, in the ’60s acid, in the 70’s cocaine, in the 80’s ecstasy, in the ’90’s crystal meth, now it’s martinis again, and erectile dysfunction drugs.

Steroids and HGH? We never thought they’d help us with our sports picks.

If we thought they would have, however, then we would probably be in the same situation as Roger Clemens.

Anyhoo, sleep tight Rocket Man, tomorrow it will be official.

Rocket Man: Light A Candle

Friday, June 15th, 2012


Poor Rocket Man.

Not since Jesus has there been a more persecuted soul.

First, his personal trainer shoots up his wife in their bedroom with hardcore drugs, without his knowledge while he’s away on a road trip.

Then, he’s named as a steroid user in MLB’s Mitchell Report.

Then his friend, Andy Pettitte remembered, and maybe misremembered, Roger telling him he’d used HGH.

Mr. Clemens, like a young Mr. Smith, goes to Washington to defend his good name.

Instead, Congress throws him a perjury curveball.

Now, after all this, his fate rests in the hands of strangers.

Is Clemens like Jesus?

Stay tuned America, once acquitted he, & attorney Rusty Hardin, will let us know.

Say It Aint So

Saturday, May 26th, 2012


Beer cans, syringes, steroids, cotton balls, blood, puss and cell debris:  The Roger Clemens Witch Trial continues.

Haters, left-wingers, baseball Puritans, and Keith Olbermanns will tell you Clemens is on trial for lying under oath to Congress.

He’s not.

He’s now on trial for using steroids.

In order to prosecute the former, the government must prove the latter.

Cornered like a strung-out, rabid raccoon, after being fingered as a steroid user in 2007’s Mitchell Report, Clemens had to make a stand.

Like the OJ trial or a Catholic marriage, you make a decision and then you stick with it no matter the evidence or how much you hate the fucking bitch.

With an ego the size of Texas, Clemens made his decision: deny, deny, deny.

Prosecution DNA expert, Alan Keel, testified that blood and puss on cotton balls matched the genetic profile of The Rocket Man.

Alan said, “I would expect this profile to be unique to only one person that has ever lived on the planet.”

Defense attorney, Rusty Hardin believes this means there’s a chance it might match a person from another planet.

Momma taught us: if it smells like bad chicken, it’s probably bad chicken.

Save Roger

Monday, May 21st, 2012

“Let me be clear: I have never used steroids or HGH.”

– Roger Clemens, February, 2008


The US government has charged Roger Clemens with perjury.

Four years, a mistrial, and six weeks into the new trial, the Clemens trial is the trial no one really wants.

The Rocket doesn’t want it. Andy Pettite doesn’t want it. Brian McNamee doesn’t want it. US District Judge Reggie Walton doesn’t want it. The jury doesn’t want it. The prosecution doesn’t want it. Major League Baseball doesn’t want it. America doesn’t want it. The National Media doesn’t want it.

Coverage has been exhausted, relegated to page twos, third-rate local anchors, Ritalin-riddled roving reporters and random sports & entertainment websites.  

The Chickenhawk pen-pal, Jose Canseco says: “It’s ridiculous. There’s got to be better ways to spend taxpayer money.”

Hollywood insider, Max Steingrout, explains: “There’s no sizzle. Let’s face it, it’s yesterday’s news baby. Look, the guy’s a prick, but it’s not like he killed someone. No one wants to see him go to prison. Trust me, he ain’t going to prison, as they say in Vegas, ‘the fix is in.’ He’s got friends in high places.”

When asked if he thinks Clemens used steroids, Canseco adds: “I was always suspicious, but if you ask me if I had solid evidence, did I ever put him in contact, did I ever inject him, did I ever see him use steroids, the answer would be no.”

Texas Pardon?

Sunday, November 30th, 2008

Forces of Darkness continue to line up against The Rocket Man.

Roger Clemens is under investigation for denying steroid use under oath. This entire affair has not been right, and it has not been pretty. But neither is Mindy McCready.

Luckily, The Rocket Man may have a W in his corner.

Good Ol’ Boy Networks & Presidential Assasinations. Welcome to downtown, Dealey Plaza, Texas. George W. Bush and Roger Clemens. Birds of a feather. It’s not who you know … it’s who Roger knows.

Rumors persist that W may pardon the Rocket prior to any convictions. It’s not unprecedented and, in some circles, it may be seen as an admission of guilt. Not in this circle.

Richard Emery, attorney for Brian McNamee said he expects the All-Star pitcher to be pardoned by President George W. Bush over his testimony to Congressional investigators about Clemens’s alleged steroid use. He said that Clemens’s agreement to testify under oath, placing him in jeopardy of a perjury prosecution, is a sign that the outgoing Republican president will pardon the All-Star pitcher. Clemens cited his friendship with the president’s father, former President George H.W. Bush, at the hearing that was divided largely along party lines.

Emery said it was clear at the hearing before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform that Republicans were attacking McNamee and supporting Clemens in “the most blatant, biased and most prejudiced ways,” while Democrats were cross-examining both Clemens and McNamee.

“It is certainly my view, that they got a direction from elsewhere, whether it’s directly from the White House or the Republican Party, who knows, that they were there to support Clemens,” Emery said in a telephone interview.

Clemens’s representatives must believe there was “no downside” for the pitcher to testify, under oath, Emery said.

“That would mean that if they were prosecuted they will get a pardon,” he said. “That is the sense I have from the way the hearing was conducted. There is a message from powers far above the committee that Roger is to be favored.”

Emery said Clemens, 45, who has not been charged with any crimes, could be pardoned prospectively by Bush, as former U.S. President Richard Nixon was by succeeding President Gerald Ford. This would prevent any further investigation of Clemens or criminal charges. Bush’s presidency expires in January.

Rusty Hardin, Clemens’s lawyer, said in a statement that “Richard Emery just has to quit smoking his own dope.”

McNamee’s harshest criticism came from Republicans Dan Burton and Chris Shays. McNamee, under questioning from Burton, admitted lying repeatedly to reporters in writing about steroids in baseball, and lied in failing to disclose everything he knew about the Clemens situation as the investigation advanced.

“You’re here to tell the truth. You’re here under oath,” Burton said to McNamee during the hearing. “And yet we have lie after lie after lie after lie, where you’ve told this committee and the people of this country that Roger Clemens did things that — I don’t know what to believe. I know one thing I don’t believe, and that’s you.”

Shays said that McNamee’s actions were no different than those of a drug dealer. Amen.

In other Roger Clemens News:

  • Roger Clemens has been asked to end his involvement with a charity golf tournament he has hosted for four years as the fallout from the Mitchell Report continues to haunt the seven-time Cy Young award winner.
  • Koby Clemens, Roger’s oldest son, had disorderly conduct charges against him dopped three months after being arrested for an early-morning disturbance at a restaurant in Salem, Va. Instead, Clemens and first baseman Mark Ori, teammates for Class A Salem last season, agreed to perform community service, according to reports. They spoke to four student groups in Virginia about the dangers of alcohol, drugs and peer pressure on Thursday. It is believed that they “chewed & screwed” and when confronted, beat up the waiter & taped his butt cheeks together.
  • Koby, talking about his relationship with The Rocket said: “We’re strong and closer than ever,” Clemens said. “No matter what anybody can write, no matter what anybody can say, you’ll never break our family. That’s how I feel about it. I’m not even going to give him a name because I’m not as low as that guy.” That guy is, of course, Brian McNamee, his father’s former trainer and the man who has accused his father of using steroids. “There’s a lot of people that you think are your real friends. As it’s gone further and further there aren’t that many people pulling for my dad anymore, which really hurts. There’s a lot of people that have done tons and tons of worse stuff, including the man that is against him.”
  • Rog’s four sons’ names all start with K. They are: Koby, Kory, Kacy,  and Kody. How kool is that?

As Roger’s World Turns

Wednesday, November 12th, 2008

WILLIAMSVILLE, TN -Country singer Mindy McCready has confirmed her affair with Roger Clemens and is now pitching a reality tv show entitled: Mending Mindy. I shit you not.

Once a deal is finalized, McCready said her life will become an open book, including her tumultuous, long-term affair with Roger. “What happens in my personal life will be on display on national television and (Roger) is certainly part of my past.”

Mindy was recently released from the Williamsville County Jail after serving 30 days of a 60-day sentence for violating probation on a 2004 drug charge. McCready, falsified her community service records and violated probation by fraudulently obtaining prescription painkillers. In July of 2007, “Minds” (that’s what Roger used to call her) served five months after a drunken brawl with her mother, and resisting arrest. The Fort Myers, FL police report quotes Mindy’s mom as calling Mindy a “fat slut” and a “home wrecker.”

The Chickenhawk caught up to Roger at a local, Houston bar where he likes to beat up people, he winked and nudged, “If I ever was with Mindy McCready, it would have been when she was hot.”

The many women of Roger Clemens:



Roger Clemens continues to deny his underage affair with ex-country music sensation, Mindy McCready, but acknowledges that if he did cheat on his wife, which he never has, he’d prefer women with a little “meat on their bones.”